Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Pride and The Penny

So here I am, 7 weeks after moving to Tottenham, innit, and I haven't even given you the low down on my living situation. And you know as soon as you read that sentence, that it is not likely that I found somewhere normal to live. Well, where would be the fun in that? I suspect you know me better.

I don't wish to bitch, so I will state the facts:
  1. I am renting the bedroom of a one (yes, one) bedroom flat, from an Eastern European woman who is 13 years older than me.
  2. We are very different.
  3. She sleeps on the sofa bed in the living room.
  4. Because this is a one bedroom flat with a combined living room and kitchen, this makes things a tad difficult when I fancy a nice cup of tea and find the door to the living room is shut. Or want to cook at any time.
  5. She doesn't like me in her space in the morning.
  6. She doesn't like me in her space in the evenings.
  7. She doesn't really like it when I lock myself away in my room either.
  8. There aren't really many other places that I can go.
I think that's enough to go by, logistically. With no money coming in and no cheaper options, I am lucky to have a roof over my head. Plus, I have to respect that I am the one with the bedroom - I'm not sure I would fancy sleeping on the sofa bed.

This morning - before I had finished drinking my coffee (and therefore was not quite yet awake) - I received a little bit of, shall we say, 'helpful advice' (a.k.a. her opinion) as to where I was going wrong.
  1. I needed to restrict on my spending because I didn't have much money (okay, so this is the reason why for the past 3 weeks I have only spent money on train fare and food?)
  2. That I needed to do my best on finding a job (uh-huh); and
  3. That I was too closed - I needed to open up my thoughts a little bit more (actually, if she knew some of my thoughts, she would probably be grateful that I kept them to myself)
Wincing slightly from biting my tongue, I logged on to Facebook to check the energy of the day. Today was the day of Nobility in Humility - appreciation that the Light gives us messages all the time, and so to open ourselves up to listen to what other people were saying.

Oh, crap. I take it all back.

I had a meeting with my teacher today for the first time in 5 weeks. I told him of my living situation. I told him that it was not easy to stay positive. I wondered whether he would simply agree with what she said and hence deliver a double-whammy. He didn't.

"You see," he said "what the Light is telling you here is that you just need to get any job so that you can get out from where you are living. And yes, you are taking action to get a job, but even though you can get the good job in a week, sometime it take one month before you start and maybe two month for the money to come through. So before then, just go out and work on the checkout, or something. Then at least you don't have the anxiety from having no money. And the job that you are looking for will appear for you"

And this is what I had already been thinking for the past week (thanks, Sis) and was planning to do. But still, I admitted to him, I had to fight hard with my pride. Kabbalah Rookie, 1st class honours degree in Computing, working on a checkout? Or as an Office Assistant? It cannot be!, says my Pride. My teacher and I discussed the merits of being humble.

So that is what I plan to do - swallow my pride, walk in to an Agency and say "I don't care what it is, I need a job asap". So this will be interesting. And yes, maybe my landlady has a point, but I think my teacher's message was pretty clear.

Anyways, I head home and make my way to Sainsbury's to spend more money on food (have you seen the latest bargains on chocolate? My word...). As I was walking past a rather busy bus stop, I spotted a penny on the pavement. Aha! Abundance! The Universe has given me a penny! So I stopped to pick it up, curled my fingernails round the edge, and it wouldn't shift. Wtf? I tried again. Nothing happening, except for a broken nail. Great.

At this point I noticed a few eyes burning holes in the back of my head and realised that everyone at the bus stop was watching me try to pick up a penny that had been super-glued to the pavement. And you would think that a penny glued to uneven concrete would come away quite easily, but no, it seemed to be virtually welded to the spot. The penny was going nowhere. I swiftly stood up and scurried on, avoiding eye contact to the disappointment of my audience, pride turning my cheeks a nice rosy pink.


So it looks as though the only way that the Universe is going to give me any money, is if I overcome my pride and get Any Old Job. But what a creative way to deliver a message.

Not only that, but I was sent an email from one of my personal development/positive thinking/laws of the Universe subscriptions at the same time that I was wrestling the penny, with the subject of Mixed Messages. And the case in point?

Telling the Universe that you want more money and then ignoring a penny lying on the pavement.

Okay, I think I have the message now. Can the next penny not be stuck down, please?

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