Two quick jokes...
Two cats were swimming the channel: a British cat called One Two Three, and a French cat called Un Deux Trois.
Which cat won?
The English cat, One Two Three.
Because Un Deux Trois quatre cinque..........
Joke #2 - a Hebrew joke...
Miriam was in court, having been caught shoplifting.
"You stole a can of peaches" the Judge said "How do you plead?"
"Guilty" says Miriam
"Why did you steal the peaches?" the Judge asks
"Because I was hungry" Miriam replies.
"How many peaches were in the can?" the Judge asks
"Five, your Honour"
The Judge thinks for a moment and then said "Okay, so for this crime you will serve 5 days in prison - one for each peach"
At this point, Miriam's husband stands up and says "Excuse me, your Honour, I would like to give some more information"
"Go ahead" says the Judge
"She also stole a can of peas...."
Hey, I didn't say they were good jokes...