Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Yes, I am just doing this for fun

Okay, so I finally finished two CVs. And saved them. And then my head fell off through the sheer effort of concentration (and probably way too much caffeine), so I went to watch a little bit of TV (something that I never do during the day, although to be fair, it was 4pm by the time my head fell off).

And then I went back and re-opened my CVs and decided that I wasn't happy with them.

How can I be? How can you capture the magnificence of my Being on two sides of A4? Impossible.

Bereft of anything else to add, I decided to make them look a little prettier instead. Blind the agencies with outstanding layout. That'll do the trick.

As it was 4pm and my head had fallen off, there was no chance of having to actually speak to anyone, so I cooked dinner and then went back to my free Hebrew course. And I love it. I cannot write the letters for toffee and am reliant on seeing the vowel sounds for pronunciation, but I love it. I am now at the end of lesson 3, and only have one free lesson to go before I discover that I cannot afford to pay to learn any more.

So there's my incentive to get a job. That and a home laser hair removal kit.

Later in the evening I had a call from my Dad, who told me that I needed to get a job.
Half an hour after that, my 'landlady' gave me a lecture on getting a job, actually stating that at times she wanted to put me over her knee and smack me for hiding away instead of working.

It's as if people think that I am doing this to somehow piss them off - like I am enjoying watching my bank account run further in to the red. What a hoot!

I can understand their frustration because I know what I am capable of. If I could start work tomorrow without having to be screened, interviewed, tested, judged, questioned and doubted, then I would.

On the surface, to the people who know me, nothing appears to have changed. I am lazy and avoiding work. I am wasting my talents. I am irresponsible. They don't see what is stopping me and for the life of me I cannot explain this invisible wall which has blocked me for so long.

What they cannot see are the changes taking place within. Over the past week I have started to develop an inner strength that I haven't felt before. Something is definitely going on and the bricks are being knocked away, one by one.

And now that I have finally finished my CVs, the world may just be my lobster...


  1. Get rid of those bricks and go for it. There is a job out there with your name on it.

  2. Alan: Thanks to your positive comment, another couple of bricks just went out of the window... Have to be careful where I throw them.

  3. Alan's right, and you can and will succeed!