Monday, 16 March 2009

Monday Morning Irk #1

I wasn't going to blog this morning (it's another distraction for not doing the things that I really need to be doing - thanks, Satan) but then I read my email and found three from a friend I met when I was travelling nearly two years ago. We catch up every now and again although the contact is becoming less and less frequent.
The first email contained funny pictures like these:
which is right up my street sense of humour wise.

So I opened the second email, which as the title suggested ("To My Sisters - here's one big Cyber smile") was full of chunks of text delivering the usual warm, smaltzy, feel-good messages:
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.

This was accompanied by pictures of waggy daschunds, love hearts, glittering pouted lips and the usual chain mail verbage:
Today is Sister's Day. Send this to all your sisters - even me, if I am like one.
If you get back 7, you are loved.
Happy Sister's Day!

Oh no! So what if I don't receive 7 replies?! Does that mean I am not loved?!

I never forward this type of chain mail, even if I appreciate the sentiment from the person who sent it - it's just not my thing. I don't tend to get offended (because it was the thought on their part rather than the content, that counts). But if you are true friends with somebody, write them an email, a letter, or give them a call. And if you are pushed for time, send them a one-liner!

But it was the third email that really got me. The title is: FW: Emailing: Fw_[Fwd_Fw_Read alone (Do not delete)].

Oh, here we go.

The first thing that irked me was the spacing in the email (which when directly copied in to Word took up 30 pages). Everything was printed two lines to a page with double-line spacing, so the following friendly warning took up four pages:
Believe whatever is in store for
Us will be
For us.
Poem is very true, unfortunately.
Sure you read the poem!

What then follows are three "Case Studies" of what happened to real people (they are named so they have to be real) - the first two did not read the poem! *gasp* and the third did.

Oh my goodness, and guess what happened to the first two people?!
Well, the first woman was proposed to by her boyfriend of three years, returned to work, stupidly IGNORED the email (can you believe this woman?!) and later received a phone call from the police to say that her fiance had experienced a slight run in with an 18 wheeler and was now DEAD. I kid you not!!

The second person, Katie Robinson (hey, real name, I'm telling you), didn't have the minimum 5 email addresses to forward it on to (Ladies and Gentlemen, she failed in this simple task). Later in the evening she went out to a masquerade ball, and on the way back to her car was hit by a drunk driver in the car park and killed stone dead. And all for not following the simple instructions. (I would love to see the outcome of the police investigation on this one: "Yeah, Sarge, well it appears she kind of brought this one on herself...")

And of course, Richard S. Willis, who followed all of the instructions (like the good boy he is), read the whole poem and forwarded it on to at least five of his friends. Then twenty minutes later went out for lunch and bumped in to the woman of his dreams - THE Woman whom he had admired from afar for two years. And guess what Richard did? He confessed his passion for her and proposed three days later, and she (Cynthia Bell - I told you this was real) accepted. And deservedly he is now living happily ever after (although I happen to think he probably now spends a little too much time forwarding emails just in case).

As for the poem (yeah, I read it - just to see what all of the fuss was about) it isn't anything astounding. It's basically about keeping in touch with old friends and not saying "Eh, I'll call Jim tomorrow" because tomorrow Jim might just be dead. Sweet.

I'll tell you what, instead of calling Jim to keep in touch, why not send him this sick, threatening chain mail poem instead? Jim will love it just as much as you did. Plus it will save you time and probably save you from imminent pain, degradation and death.

Aaaaand...... Delete.


  1. Me too! There must be a website with more of these - but probably best if there isn't otherwise I would be permanently connected to the internet..