Change and Tears

Yesterday was a long day.

At 4:45am my alarm clock filled the room with Radio 2 and without any hesitation I leaped out of bed and headed down to London for the Business Gym. It's strange how on most mornings I require 2 hours of radio, 2 cups of tea and a crow-bar to get me in to the shower, but give me an opportunity to receive some Light and I'm awake.

Following the Business Gym seminar, I spoke to a friend and asked whether there was any space for me in her office for the day. Possibly, she replied, If we're still in it. I knew that her business had suffered a downturn in trade, but things were worse than I had realised. She made a phone call and confirmed that they had at least until the end of the week, so I was welcome to turn up whenever I wanted.

When I arrived at her office early afternoon, things had drastically changed. They changed their minds, she said, we have to be out of here by 5pm. So I spent two hours packing boxes with files, folders, books, printers, headsets and stationery, and waiting for the van to arrive.

This is what I admire about my friend, despite the embarrassment of being turfed out at a moment's notice for non-payment of rent, she was remarkably calm. She understands that although this looks and feels pretty bad on the surface, that there is an underlying reason for everything - that everything in the Universe is unfolding as it should. Where others might be losing their heads, she understands that something new is coming in.

She can see beyond the immediate 'chaos' and know that there is a very good reason for it. I have absolute certainty that in 3 - 6 months time (and maybe sooner), she will look back from her fabulous new life and be able to join all of the dots. I care about her feelings at this moment and at the same time am very excited for her - I just know that something great is coming.

I am so lucky to have so many friends who see life in this way. If you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, I am blessed by the company I keep.

Then this afternoon I received a message from my teacher to say that he and his wife have decided to stay in Israel for the foreseeable future. They were only meant to be away for 4 weeks.

Heartbroken is not the word, but it's close. I felt as though we had a rapport right from the start, but in addition to liking his personality, he was someone who has helped me grow so much over the past 9 months, and someone I was learning to open up with and most importantly listen to. I was only just starting to get the message. I wasn't planning on starting from scratch with a new teacher. I feel as though I am losing a dear friend and on top of everything else, he has a way of expressing his humour that has everyone in fits of laughter. He's just a really nice guy to have around and I will miss him dearly. His wife also worked at the centre and I love her to bits too. Why do the people who mean the most to me have to leave? Why now?

This is a New Year. All change. Despite my sadness I trust that this is all for a reason. The Light wants to bring me new things - a new teacher. And it is only in a few month's time that I will be able to look back, and join the dots....

Through my tears, I just know that something great is coming.