Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Letting Go

Overcoming the illusion of fear is something that I evidently need to practice.

I logged on this morning to find an email from the 'postmaster' telling me that the email I sent to the MD at 1pm had yet to be delivered. It took Hotmail 12 hours to tell me that my email had been delayed. Couldn't they have told me straight away?

So this led me in to a whole new dilemma: Do I leave him to find the email? Do I send again? If he gets a lot of email will it appear on page 2 in his inbox? Will he see it when it arrives? Should I call him?

Oh give over.

I realised whilst taking a shower that actually there is something that I fear more - something else that I am avoiding. I have made a decision to move in to a shared house and in order to do so I need to get rid of a couple of possessions. Okay, so make that 75% of my possessions, including some furniture to which I am rather attached.

A week or so ago I spent the whole night mentally sifting through everything I own, trying to separate sentimental value from 'it is taking up space in a cupboard and I will never use it'. Like for instance a silk shoulder bag I bought in Vietnam. It's very nice material. It's a memory of my trip away. But I never choose to use it, so it spends the vast majority of its time in a bag filled with... other bags that I never use. Oh but I never know when I might need it....

There is a big part of me that doesn't want to let go of my material possessions. As though they somehow define who I am and what I have achieved. As though letting them go would take away my very essence of Being.

Behind this fear of loss is the understanding of how energy works. If you want new things, you have to clear some space for them to fill. Whilst I am clutching hard to my independence and my past, I am resisting my future and pushing away the new things that want to come in to my life.

And part of me has to laugh, because some of the things that I own are bloody awful. Talk about a lack of taste. I'm not sure why I am clinging to the embarrassment of being associated to some of this stuff.

So a decision has been made - today will be spent listing and categorising, and picturing the sheer sense of lightness I will feel when I no longer have to drag this stuff around with me. If I haven't heard from the MD today, I will get in touch tomorrow. Whatever. My business bank account is still 'in progress' anyway.

A text came through on my phone which gave me a giggle and lightened my mood. Everything is going to be just fine.

A man sat down for a meal in a restaurant and a prawn cocktail was thrown at the back of his head. As he turned round, the man sitting behind him said "And that's just for starters..."


  1. Good to be back in circulation and catching up again. The MD will get your proposal and if he/she has any sense will take you up on it. If not ... bigger opportunities, better opportunities. As for your clear out .... keep the memories and get rid of the junk.

  2. Thanks Alan - sound advice! It's good to have you back - I've missed you!